Conflict with your ex. . . and water faucets.

Have you ever -- in your adult life (not including a kid playing a prank) -- intentionally turned on a water faucet and walked away to leave it running for hours?

Intentionally, I mean.  (I've done this unintentionally, getting distracted, but that's not what I mean.)

Would you ever even consider doing that?  I'm guessing you would not.

You would not even consider that you need to leave the water faucet on to make sure the water was still there.  You know that shutting the water faucet off does not prevent you from accessing water in the future.

You're confident that it will be there when you need it and, in fact, you consider it wasteful to just let the faucet run all the time.  Right?

What if conflict with your ex is like the water faucet?

If you want to turn it "on," you can.  And, you can turn it off anytime you want to.  And then turn it back on again.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to know how much power you have.  Like the water that comes out of the faucet when you turn the faucet to the "on" position, you have all of the decision-making power.

The water cannot decide to run in the other direction.  It cannot, by itself, decline to flow to you when you call upon it.

Try thinking of conflict with your ex that way.  It is available to you if you choose to call upon it.  And you can decide to shut it off.

It does not matter what he says.

It does not matter what he does.

It does not matter what he tells your children.

Sometimes I wonder if my clients are afraid to shut off the faucet.  I sense their hesitation, as though they're thinking they might lose something if they let go of the conflict.

But they won't.  Conflict is always available to them.  Just like the water running from the faucet when you turn it on.

I promise you, it is.  Trust me, I've been a divorce lawyer for twenty years.  I've made an entire career -- a very busy, successful career -- out of relationship conflict.

And I'm telling you that you can shut off the conflict anytime.

Try it.  Try it for one week.  One day.  Maybe even one hour.

Try taking action that will create peace -- like telling your ex. . .

"I shouldn't have said that."

"You may have a point."

"I agree."

If you're hesitating at the idea of saying those words, then remember the faucet.

The water is not going away, but sometimes we can have too much of it.  There is a difference between a glass of water and a freaking tsunami that is sucking you in further as you're choking back salt water.

I promise you, you're not losing anything if you turn the faucet off.

If you don't believe me, just click "reply" on this email and tell me why.  I can't wait to hear from you.

Talk to you soon, friend.