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The two perfect words to say to your Ex.

Hey friend:

 

This week, I am going to tell you the two most perfect, awesome-est words that form the most amazing reply to your ex.

 

These two words can be used for almost any reply, and when you're feeling just about any feeling.  These two words will be especially useful to you when you're really, really, freaking pissed off.  Or. . .

 

super confused, or. . . 

 

overwhelmed, or. . .

 

even when you're feeling deep sadness, like that I-feel-like-I-just-got-punched-in-the-gut sad.

 

I'm here for you.  I'm here to help you with all of the feelings, and when I'm not right next to you, just use these two words to reply to your ex:

 

"Say more."

 

I'm serious.  That's what I want you to tell him.  Whatever he said, you can reply "say more."

 

Now of course I cannot say exactly how he will receive those words, and you can't either.  Neither of us can exercise jedi-mind-control over your ex, and he gets to think whatever he wants to think about you telling him to "say more."

 

But I'm not focused on him.  I want to talk about you.  I want you to hold enough space for yourself to experience the neutrality of saying "say more."

 

"Say more" is not defensive, and it is not agreeable or accepting.  It does not commit you to anything, but it also does not escalate conflict.

 

Oh, and if you think you're giving something up -- or "letting him get away with" something by not escalating conflict, I want to remind you that you can always turn the conflict back on -- it's like a water faucet.  So you're not giving anything up.

 

"Say more" is simply a request for your ex to provide additional information about whatever it is that he just said to you.

 

It is a way for you to empower yourself by gathering more information.

 

It is also a way for you to develop the skill of communicating with him without losing your shit.  And that, my friends, is a very important skill to develop.

 

Talk to you soon.

 

 

Janie Lanza Vowles - Practicing Divorce Lawyer -- Certified Life Coach