It's okay to tell your ex that he's right.

A few weeks ago, I wrote on my blog about how it is okay to say (to your ex) "I shouldn't have said that."

Did you know that you can also tell him, "you're right?"

I'll bet a lot of you are having some thoughts about that right now.  You have a lot of evidence the he's never, ever right, and a lot of reasons why it is a very bad idea to ever even consider telling him that he's right.  Not even once.

I'm all in, and want to hear about all of it. (I'm serious.  You could literally just click here to email me and tell me about it.)

But just humor me for a moment.  Mentally rehearse your future self hearing or reading your ex saying some sentence that he's said to you in the past. . . something that led to you feeling irritated or annoyed.

Practice saying the words "you're right" -- or, if that's too much of a leap -- practice saying "I can consider the possibility that you may be right about this."

But don't just mentally rehearse saying the words through gritted teeth.  Line up your thoughts and feelings with those two words.

Just drop into it.  How does it land?

Does it feel like a relief?  Even though it feels a little scary, does it also sort of feel like you're taking off a heavy backpack that you've been carrying for a long time?

Then you're doing it right.

Eventually, it could even feel. . . empowering.

Yeah, I'm not kidding.  I know, you think that you have to "stand up for yourself" and telling the ex that he's right is the opposite of standing up for yourself.

But what if even that's not true?

Think about it.  In which scenario do you have more power?

Scenario 1.  Your ex says something -- to you directly or that you hear through your kids.  You feel annoyed.  To be clear, the words that he said do not annoy you until you have a thought about them.  So, he says words, you have a thought about the words, and then you feel annoyed.  You respond to him from that feeling of being annoyed.

He has a thought about the words you said and he feels defensive, so he counter-responds from that feeling of defensiveness.

And around and around you go.  Each person trying to establish to the other that she or he is "right," with no real productive decision-making or communication  happening.

Are you tired yet?

Scenario 2.  Your ex says something -- to you directly or that you hear through your kids.  The same exact words that he said in Scenario 1.

In the past, your unsupervised brain would offer of plenty of thoughts that would create feelings like angry, irritated, annoyed or defensive.

But you're a badass now.  You regularly keep your mindset clean, a skill you've honed through your experience in my mindset coaching program.

So you decide to examine the thoughts that your lizard brain is offering up, and you see that those thoughts do not serve you.  They may be "true," but they lead you to engage in unproductive action and they certainly don't make you feel empowered or confident.

You wisely decide to give equal air-time to an alternate thought, which is. . . 

"Hmmmm.  I wonder if it is possible that he has a point."

Which attracts similar thoughts like. . . 

"Yeah, I suppose he makes a fair point in this particular situation."

Or. . .

"He seems really adamant about this.  I wonder why it's so important to him?"

Because you know how to examine your thinking with curiosity and fascination -- and not from judgment or criticism -- you feel contemplative, maybe even calm.

And from that place of feeling contemplative, you say to him. . . 

"You might have a point.  Maybe we should discuss this further so we can make sure we're on the same page."

Are you more or less empowered in Scenario 2?

Just click here and tell me what you think.

I'll be checking my email for your response.

Talk to you soon, friend.