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Helen should stop hating on her ex's divorce lawyer.

Hey friend:

 

If you've read my blog before, then you know about my client, Helen.*

 

 


*I talk about "Helen" a lot.  She's not a real person and she's not a real client.  She's more like a composite character.  I will never reveal an actual conversation that I've had with an actual client.  Ever.


 

You also know that I am very invested in helping Helen simplify her divorce.

 

This means that I will always give Helen honest, practical advice, even (especially) when I know that advice is not what Helen wants to hear in the moment.

 

This is one of those moments.

 

I have to tell Helen to stop hating on her ex's divorce lawyer.

 

I have a human brain, so I usually don't like telling people things I know they won't want to hear.

 

But Helen's divorce is not about me.  It is about Helen, her children, what Helen's children need from her, and what Helen needs from me so that she can show up the way she wants to for her children.

 

And I care too much about Helen and her children to be anything less than brutally honest with her, so I have to do this thing that I know won't be fun.

 

 I have to tell Helen to stop hating on her ex's divorce lawyer.

 

When I tell Helen that she has to stop hating on her ex's lawyer, she will -- at least at first -- double down on the hatred.  She will fight for the story that her ex's lawyer is rude and unprofessional.

 

Helen will want to present to me all of the evidence that she has to support her story.

 

Helen will tell me that what's she saying is true, and she's right.

 

But it doesn't matter if Helen's thoughts are "true."  She doesn't need to convince me.  She also doesn't need my permission to hate her ex's lawyer.

 

Helen doesn't have to fight me for her story, because I am not fighting to keep it from her.

 

But I do want to offer something else to Helen, something that she's not even considering right now.

 

I want Helen to know that her ex's lawyer has no power over her unless Helen continues to believe her own thoughts.

 

When Helen tells me that the other lawyer's rude and unprofessional behavior is delaying her case, I want Helen to know that she is the one delaying her case, and that is great news, because it means she can turn things around.

 

I want Helen to know that her ex's lawyer is a human person saying words and doing things, and that those words and things are completely neutral until Helen breathes life into them.

 

And right now, the way Helen is thinking is blocking Helen from moving her case forward.  Yeah, Helen's ex's lawyer is not blocking Helen.  Helen is blocking Helen, because Helen's thoughts are blocking Helen from following the advice that I'm giving her, and those thoughts are consuming the precious mental energy that Helen needs to use on other things.

 

By the way, the ex's lawyer is not feeling Helen's hatred.  Only Helen is and, even worse, that hatred is showing up in the way that Helen is co-parenting with her ex, the way that Helen is talking to her kids, the way that Helen is performing at work. . . everywhere.  Because Helen can't get away from her own brain.

 

And Helen doesn't need to get away from her brain.  She needs to manage her brain.

 

Because when Helen manages her brain, her divorce will be simple.

 

And I'm going to show her how.  I can't wait.

 

   

 

Janie Lanza Vowles - Practicing Divorce Lawyer -- Certified Life Coach

 

P.S. If you want to learn how to clean up your brain and simplify your divorce, then it is time for us to talk.  Click here to learn more.